It was a rainy day in NYC!
OK OK OK WE HEARD YOU
#ThankYouDuchovniacs Seriously, guys?
FIRST OF ALL…. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
It’s Walter. I am so beyond moved. I cannot tell you. I almost want to do a video but afraid happy tears will flow. Not embarrassed by that but who wants to see that…
This morning’s post was weeks-perhaps months- in the making. This was not a decision made lightly. It was not a post we wanted to post. AND it was not completely all about one person. One particular individual has made things difficult for us (NOT just Laurice and I) in recent times but this was one of those straws and the camel back things. Years of dealing with social media trolls, etc. When you put yourself out there you always become a target for the crazies.
We are approaching a 2 year anniversary for this site. May 14, 2015, 2 days after the Cutting Room concert I threw this site-up. We have been meeting folks for dinner before events for almost 10 years. We have been attending events for nearly 15 years. I have been a fan for nearly 24. (September 10, 1993 to be exact, ring a bell LOL).
I have had many conversations in one form or another today with fans, industry friends, other organizations that do similar activities etc etc etc
There has been an outpouring of support from 100s of fans – sorry, no – 100s of friends. I commit to you all we are here to stay. I promise to you, David and anyone in between to put ALL drama in the past, and I implore ALL to join me and help put an end to many of our concerns.
Now in order to truly achieve a perfect situation I need all to take action AND responsibility. I know this is asking for a lot but if even one person reads this and joins me to stop negative activities – whether you are causing as a bully, or spreading negative vibes via gossip, or suffering due to actions of another – I have achieved something.
I ask ALL to join me to stop letting ANYONE ruin our fun for ANY reason.
Some thoughts after my experiences and conversations with other…
- WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!
There are a few things that keep coming up over and over and over. Turns out the truth IS out there and friends and colleagues felt need to share it. Many in the fandom have been victimized. Many have stopped attending events because of an individual or a group of individuals. Many have never attended an event because of fears this would happen to them, often from friend’s nightmares
- PLEASE STOP BULLYING
Seriously, what is this all about. I do not want to psychoanalyze why you feel the need to attack – online / in person. Directly or via talking behind backs etc. It needs to stop. No one deserves to be bullied. WHAT IS BULLYING?Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. OK, this is from https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/index.html
The word bullying is a little juvenile, but so is the behavior of many fans. I tell my students that after turning 18, Bullying is harassment, assault and battery. Fine-able and/or Jail-able offenses.
- PLEASE do not be afraid of bullies
Easier said then done, right. It takes a lot of strength, especially when the behavior has been repeated for a long time. It helps if ALL of us commit to the previous thing. PLEASE do not be afraid to attend an event. If need be, find us and we will provide a protective shield of fun to block out all garbage. SAFETY IN NUMBERS, right. YOU deserve to live and experience life. Don’t let fear hold you back in this fandom OR life. It’s 2017. there will always be jerks, but the world is more on more on YOUR side to be who YOU are. ONLY YOU can empower a bully. But you are not alone in fighting that aggressor. WTF!!!! Get out and have fun. YOU deserve it!!!
- TOO MUCH GOSSIP!!!
A big part of the bully thing is gossip. Don’t worry I do not troll internet. But I now have hundreds of #Duchovniac friends that look for each other. They send us things. Most of the time I shrug them off. But not all can do that. I teach self confidence to kids, teens and adults via acting/Improv comedy. I see the result of bullies and gossip every day. I teach something called Psychological safety. To truly achieve this we must all cease and desist all activity that shames another or tries to pit on against another. I don’t care if you think you are being funny, jealous, or getting retribution for being hurt. STOP THE CYCLE by not participating in the gossip. I cannot tell you how many lies I have read about me over the past two years. In my own closest circles I am not even sure what is fact and what is speculation for 1000s of lines via DM chats. PLEASE I don’t care if you are attacking me or in defense of me STOP. (I appreciate all my heros out there but not at the expense of another’s emotional/mental safety.)
- LET KARMA RUN ITS COURSE
I believe that karma ALWAYS runs its course. A lawyer once told me “Argue with an asshole and you become an asshole”. My own experience with scary folks in past is to let Karma run its course. And for many, anything you do in retribution or even just sharing your frustration delays the inevitable. STOP THE CYCLE. Do nothing and chances are it will stop. It might not stop right away. It might get worse before it gets better. Be strong. Surround yourself with true friends.
- COMMUNICATE like ADULTS
When someone wrongs you, confront them. Not viciously, not on the attack. But open and honestly let someone know they hurt you. If they are a real friend, they will say sorry and work towards a solution together. If they deny and get defensive, it’s possible they are unaware and incredibly insecure. Be a good friend and be there for them. If they still do not come around, there are 8 billion people in this world. Even if you struggle making friends, there are other fish in the sea, to borrow a phrase from other relationship psycho babble…
- BE A GOOD FRIEND
One of the best defenses against bullies of any shape and kind is to be a great friend. Treat others the way you want to be treated at all times. You will not always get what you hope in return. Does not work that way all the time. But when you act like a great friend all the time, you attract great friends. When the world takes a turn, you will be surprised who really is a great friend. I am still here tonight because it turns out I may have the BEST friends in the whole world – all around the world ay ay ay. PLEASE don’t stop being a great friend because someone treats you badly.
- IT’s NEVER TOO LATE – LIFE IS TOO SHORT
Have you been a jerk in the past? There are a few I may never consider a friend at this point – too many bridges burnt. But I can sit, have a beer/coffee and talk to anyone, regardless of past. I do not hold grudges. You may never be in my inner circle of friends, or invited to my house etc etc etc but if you drop you walls, I am hear to chat. So often those walls grow into resentment and hate because we fear what awaits us on the other side or are embarrassed by our own behavior. If you EFFED UP, own up to it. I have. And intend to take huge steps to go further with that concept. I have no three strikes rule. Don’t expect anything but don’t fear my company either. I have no agendas. I wish no one harm. I hope ALL will take my lead with anyone out there – fandom, family, old friends etc. LIFE IS SHORT to walk around with regret and resentment. Don’t expect / demand things like closure. Just chill out and open up. I promise you will be hurt again.
Fear of pain is no reason to stop living!!!
WHEN IN DOUBT Learn from our movies/shows…
YES There are conspiracies of grave national/world security but when things get really bad we do have friends. TRUST NO ONE, maybe, but let your friends help you. If they turn out to be shape shifting bounty hunters, we are screwed, but why block all out because of our fears. We have trump’s walls and bans for that now
- KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES
Jealousy and worrying about what the neighbors are doing kills. THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION. No one is judged by what they can and cannot attend. I certainly cannot attend everything. Many things I go only because I want to support this site. This whole “TRUE FAN” nonsense has to end today. I promise you David appreciates anything and everything. He is humbled by the support he can see in front of him at concerts and book signings. He is just as humbled by the support from all of you following the shows, music, books and more form around the world. In some ways that is what keeps me coming back. You can see in his eyes and body language. He is genuinely taken aback.
HAVE FUN. Seriously that movie is all about having fun. Regardless of the world falling apart, evil government overlords or idiot students. Stupid things are going to happen and we need to just say EFF IT and keep on keeping on. HAVE FUN (but NEVER at anyone else’s expense – as I always tell my comedy students even when they are writing jokes)
- TV SET
Never let a 14 year old tell you what is good. And never think like a 14 yo when confronted with bullies etc. Be an adult. Be strong. Learn from all those past experiences. GROW. Actually the real lesson from that movie – things rarely go as planned. Our plan is our guide. our path. But things will drag us off the path. Keep an open mind and don’t let every step off the path become a butterfly effect to ruin your entire universe. Leave minor bumps in the past so you can handle major road blocks.
- TWIN PEAKS
David looks good in a dress and stilettos. I am a straight man with zero… you know… but i feel safe in making that statement. OK It’s a bromance at best… I digress…When in doubt forget your worries and your cares and remember why we are all here. Don’t become BOB because of insecurity and resentments.
Xs and Os
Laurice & Walt
PS In 9th grade I noticed something. For every bully there were at least a dozen victims. I was a band/math/science geek. Triple whammy. There was a kid that came and pushed us around fairly often. Actually I noticed a number of individuals that come around and mess with our group. Those bullies were not friends.
One day after school, waiting for the bus, I threw the kid about 6-8 feet. I was double his size. I was fed up. I did not get into fight. I just threw him. The “BULLY” was just stunned. A bunch of my friends said to me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, he is going to come back with the whole gang” That was also the first time I realized many of my friends were racist (The kid I threw was black and we were middle class suburban honkies).
Guess what? NEVER heard from him again. But I was emboldened.
About a week later, another one of those bullies confronted me in the locker room – tiny little Asian kid. He hit me three times in the jaw. The little blood I had was from lips scratching my braces. They were more slaps, taunting me, trying to intimidate me. I slammed him into the locker with a single lunge. He yelped. “What are you doing, he know kung fu” (Seriously guys, the racism again?) Teacher came and sent him to principal. He had a reputation. I did not.
Another week goes by; I kind of pick the fight this time. He was chasing another kid. Running past behind me I just stepped back and tripped him up. I GOT THIS NOW!
So I went home with a black eye ONLY because I saw teacher coming and dropped my guard. He took sucker punch. He got suspended. I got a day off and ice cream.
I have not been in a physical altercation since – not counting twice too different idiots – two different times – cold cocked me in the back of the head because I refused to be pushed around. Strong blows to the back of my head while I was walking away from potential fight. I should have pressed charges but the scumbags were not worth my time.
Point is… there will always be jerks. AND we always have to resist urge to be a jerk. You cannot avoid every fight. But we can ALL do a better job avoid tiny unnecessary ones.
The rewards of the high ground are not always obvious. As an adult, sometimes we have to buy ourselves the ice cream.
Looking forward to adding many more faces below!!!