Caught Not stalking – UWS NYC just no longer safe for Duchovniacs

(PS the headline of this article is a joke)

Ever since the 2015 book signing of Holy Cow, Candle Cafe West has become a destination for international duchovniacs.


Not because anyone is hoping to see David Duchovny at a favorite dining establishment, but because we all brag about how great the place is. I have numerous tweets regarding quinoa vodka martinis and various dishes.

So today was like any other duchovniacs get together with out of towners asking to meet up for lunch and drinks.

We were looking for parking for what seemed forever. Exhausted from late night gig and early morning church, I was ready to give up.

Finally we squeeze into a spot just a block around the corner.

We walk in, survey the scene (always afraid to run into a certain someone for fear being branded stalkers) and look for our party.

We walk up to the upper section, right behind where we sat for both book signings.

We step up and I take my jacket off, placing on back of a seat. Then I move seats thinking my big butt will be more comfortable on the aisle.

When I look up to say hello, shaking hands with the young daughter of the the first arrival, I notice mom talking to waiter “I am going to put my coat back on”

Then Laurice bolts out and I see her scurry past the window up the block.

The waiter is still talking to mom. She seems annoyed. Has he tried to steal something from coat, or knocked her chair passing one too many times, or creeping / hitting on her….???

I am just in shock. What just happened?

“Go talk to your wife”


That is the question in my head every time I hear those words.

I walk out into 30° chill without jacket, just wearing short sleeve polo.

My wife is at the end of the block laughing hysterically and texting on the phone.

Dense, I still have no clue.

“He was right there”

WHO …. (almost got it)… OH…..


Apparently, not only was David Duchovny at Candle Cafe, as I put jacket on the chair, my butt was probably not 12 inches from the back of his head.

“Yes! We need to go!”

Afraid of being seen my wife wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts across street.

“I left my jacket. Are they coming out? Are we going in?”

Still in shock and now freezing…

“I’m going to get my jacket”

I turn to walk back to cafe. Uh oh…

“He’s right there”

I say as I turn to wife, who escapes down side street to a doorway alcove.

He had a huge grin but not positive it had anything to do with us, although it did resemble the smile I like to think only my ridiculousness inspires (lol).

It’s most likely he never saw us, but then again I’m hard to miss.  All in movement I make choice to go back to table and get jacket.

Apparently the waiter laughed when he saw mom’s shirt.

Waiter: That’s hilarious


Waiter: He’s right there

At which point mom made head gesture to wife (look over there) which made wife bolt.

This whole time the daughter just rolled eyes and played her game.

We all had many laughs comparing stories to create the above time line.

Last laugh went to our waitress. I remembered her from book signing.

As I asked about the soup du jour, she was taken aback amused.

“Sorry, I’m cracking up at her shirt because he was just here”

Trust me, we know…


We don’t know what he was wearing. We don’t know who he was with. So please stop asking. No gossip. No tabloid crap.




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